Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Things I've learnt whilst I've been ill

Hello lovelies!

So it turns out I don't have glandular fever (hurrah!) but I do have post-viral fatigue (boo). On the plus side though, I'm feeling about a gazillion times better than I did this time last week so hopefully I'll be able to go back to work next week all refreshed and shiny and new! I'll also (hopefully) have a little more to blog about... when you have zero energy and your days consist of sitting in bed alone, there's not much to blog about. There is, however, much to think about - especially if you happen to have some awesome friends who have kept you company (in an online sense of the word) and engage you in interesting, thought provoking conversation.

I thought today I'd share with you some of the things I've learnt or been thinking about over the past two weeks...

I need to listen to my body
Just do it - and if your body is saying it needs to rest, let it. Don't try to drag yourself into work or try to walk into town or try to cook a meal. Do what it's begging you for and rest. If you don't, you'll only make things worse for yourself.

I say sorry far too much
It's funny how written conversations highlight certain verbal tics far more than spoken ones. I've discovered I pepper my conversations with "I'm sorry" or "I apologise" like you wouldn't believe. Sometimes, I don't even realise I've said it. Most of the time, there's absolutely no reason for saying it. It's ridiculous and it's something I really want to train myself out of.

As much as I can deal with the disappointment of not getting on my GTP, I'm confused about my future
I love being a teaching assistant - I really, really do. But I don't want it to be my career for life. I'm a little confused about where to go next... whether to apply again for teaching or to consider the other options. Sadly, now is not the time to be pondering a career of any sorts - so few jobs for so many people, especially up here in the North.

I don't actually hate London as much as I think I do... in fact, I'd rather like to live (nearer) there
I've always been an active proclaimer of my hatred of London - big, loud, scary, dirty. I think I've been to quick to overlook some of the wonderful things about London. I'd quite like to spend more time exploring.

I've spent the last 5 years of my life dedicated to  something I'm not entirely certain I still believe in
Church and God have played a big part in my life since I moved to York and although I've had my wobbles in my faith, I've always had to plough on regardless because it was my job or because I've been so involved. Over the past few months, and especially since I've been ill, I've been able to let some of my questions rise to the surface and had some time to think about them and properly explore them. I've appreciated that. I'm not planning on labelling myself as anything for the time being other than a "thought explorer".... because I feel that's what I need to be for a while :)

My heart's desire is to be vegan
And for once, I've let my heart have its way. When I stepped away from veganism a few years ago, I was never entirely happy with the decision... I mainly did it because too many people were mocking me and, to some extent, bullying me because of it. I regret that move. Peter challenged me to man up and go vegan again and I have. It's been easier than I thought it would...somewhat like getting back on a bicycle after not riding for a few years. He, of course, is still a meat and cheese loving omni.

There's so much more to enjoy in life than I sometimes think there is
I find it very easy to settle into frustrations... I get frustrated about York's lack of culture, about not having balls enough to protest about the things I want to protest about, about not having enough time to take photos or enough time to enjoy books. If I took the time I wasted feeling frustrated, or the time I fritter wandering aimlessly and feeling listless, I'd have so much more time on my hands. Sometimes, you need to open your eyes wide and hunt out the beautiful things :)

I desperately need to man up
I'm scared of crowds, needles, the sea, frogs, getting into trouble, offending people, being forgotten about, failure... the list goes on and on and on. Deal with it woman.

I really, really love running
And I really, really hate not being able to run right now.

Twitter is way more awesome than Facebook
But we all kinda knew that already right?

What have you learnt this week?


  1. I say sorry way too much as well - it's a tic, but I also mean it a lot of the time. I spend way too much time apologising for myself and feeling guilty.
    What I've learned this week is that if you don't do strength training, you lose strength very quickly.
    Glad you're feeling better :-)

  2. I'm really glad you're starting to feel better :)
    Sometimes sorting out my head in that way makes my brain hurt, but i usually feel better afterwards so here's hoping things start to make sense with regards to faith/careers/etc
    I've learned this week that my hair actually looks nicer after not washing it for 6 days than if i wash it every day. Kinda gross and kinda cool!

  3. Everyday - I end up feeling guilty too about silly things! And yeah, you've got to be dedicated to strength training - it goes so quickly! I find it's the same with yoga practice... if I leave it a few weeks, I'm nowhere near as strong or flexible!

    Sarah - me too! It's nice to not feel quite so ill. I agree - its been making my brain ache but it's all a good sort of ache and I'm actually quite enjoy it. And wow - 6 days?! That's some pretty awesome dedication! I get a really bad flaky scalp after 2 so I have to wash fairly regularly :/

  4. Oh petal I just adore everything about this post, sounds like perhaps in a strange way you've needed this to highlight some stuff so you can deal with it. Great that you've re found veganism again and that you are keeping and open mind and thoughts around your spirituality. Huge yey for twitter, I have to say I've enjoyed our twitter interactions while you've been off! Hope your fighting fit and back to 100% asap!

  5. This is such a lovely, thoughtful and honest list. I really hope you feel better soon.x.

  6. Laura - thank you sweetie. Your comment really touched me :) I agree though - I feel kinda glad that some of this has happened purely for the brain space! I've enjoyed out twitter chats too! I have to say it's been the lovely people of twitter who've really kept me going these past couple of weeks!

    Elizabeth - thank you :) x

  7. Sounds like being ill has done you some good in giving you some thinking time. I actually applied to study for mental health nursing last year and didn't get on. I was so gutted I sat on my kitchen floor and cried my eyes out but these things happen for a reason, hopefully your career path will come clear and hey if it's still teaching you want to do there is always next year xx

  8. I also <3 Twitter!
    It sounds like you've taken the time to really think about some issues that are important to you, and I really admire you for doing this - I hope the decisions you've made and thoughts you've had all bear fruit & hope you begin to feel better soon

  9. As you know, I love your thoughts and I appreciate the direction you're heading but as you also know, I've also liked you when you stepped away from veganism and got into Christianity. That you're thinking about returning to you old beliefs just makes you more awesome ♥
    Good luck with everything and I'll certainly be here to listen and advice and help if you may need it. Glad to know you :)


Your comments and thoughts are really appreciated :) Thank you for taking the time to chat xx