Thursday, 14 April 2011

Resetting, Retuning and Dreaming the Big Dreams

Hello lovelies - sorry for yet another stock image, I completely forgot to bring my cable on holiday (and before I went on holiday I had plunged into depths of laziness I previously thought impossible. If you're wondering why I've started this blog post with a picture of a castle, it's because currently I'm around 10 minutes walk from here - Bamburgh Castle, enjoying a holiday by the Northumbrian Coast.

Holidays are wonderful things, aren't they? They force you to stop, take stock, reset your self, retune back into who you actually are (not who your crazy, city dwelling, job working life turns you into) and gives you some time to dream the big dreams. Well, my sort of holiday does that anyway.

I love holidays in the countryside or by the coast or in the sleeping, hidden bits of cities. I'll never be a beach holiday girl or a city break lover. I crave holidays that bring stillness and peace and clarity.

While I've been away, there have been a few things that have plagued my mind.

Firstly, I desperately, desperately want to teach. I love it. I think about it all the time, even on holiday. I pick up children's book in shops and talk to my husband about how I'd use it to inspire my class. I visit National Trust properties and plan out what topics I'd link it to. I am terrified about not getting on my GTP. Hence why I spend so much of my time at the moment feeling settled and anxious and just stressed out.

I've also realised that I actually truly love to exercise. It makes me happier than I think it will. How do I know this? I've done it on holiday. By choice. Running up hills and yoga in the cottage have let my body release some of its stress and tension effectively and have meant that I've felt strong and powerful on some of our longer walks. These are awesome thing :)

Food is important to me. If I feel deprived of or denied the foods that I love, I fell sad. Equally, when I eat the rubbishy foods I often crave, my body doesn't love me. Clean, relatively unprocessed, wholesome food makes me and my body happy :)

The biggest thing that's been revealed to me on this holiday though is that my relationship with God is messy, but that that's ok. That it's tough, but that it's easier to fix than I think it is. Living a life without a church to call your home is not a happy or easy option. At the moment, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place (trust me, if I wan't I'd be in a proper church in the flash of an eye). I'm sure there's a lesson I'll learn from this experience and I'm sure if I put in the time and the dedication, my relationship with God doesn't need to become a complete mess. :)

Also, I felt I should give you all an update on the whole Make Up Artist thing that I mentioned a while back. For some reasons which I'll never know, they never called me back. It was the weirdest thing. I went in and met with them, they told me that I was what they were looking for, that there were some weddings in the next couple of weeks and that they'd give me a call in a couple of days with the dates of them and then.... nothing. But you know what? That's ok :) I feel peaceful about it and I feel like it's a door in my life that's closed but that's ok. What it helped me to realise was how desperately I wanted to be a teacher. I'm sure I could have pursued them a little more, rang them a few times to find out if they had the dates yet, that kinda thing. In the end though, it just felt right to let it be. When I get back, I'm planning on having a big sort through my kit, so keep on eye open for a fairly extensive blog sale :)

What are your big dreams at the moment?

Where are you favourite places to take a holiday?

1 comment:

  1. This post was an absolute pleasure to read. You write with such honesty and I am so pleased that you are finding some peace with yourself.

    Good luck with the teaching ambition, if it feels right I am sure you will be amazing at it.


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